Humanity
by Kasigi Omi
Summary: What does it really mean to be human? Do you have to be born that way, or is it just to have a soul? What does Harry think it means to be human?


Notes: This is primarily a character study of Harry based on a conversation I was having with a friend last night. I don't know how in character this is, as it's been a while since I've seen the show. This is not a self-insertion fic. The girl is not me, or one of my friends. She must be human for a very specific reason however, which shall be explained. Outlaw Star and Harry are not mine, though I wish Harry was. I hope you enjoy this. Like I said, I don't know how accurate this is. Just bear with me, okay?  
  
  
  
  
  
1 Humanity  
  
  
  
1.1 "How ya doin tonight, Harry?"  
  
The slightly slurred question penetrated Harry's thoughts, and he turned to face an old friend of his. He smiled slightly and shrugged. "I'm pretty good, I guess. Glad to be getting a break anyway."  
  
The man, obviously drunk, attempted to sit in a chair next to Harry, but succeeded only in falling to the ground beside it. Not that that small fact stopped him from talking. "Yeah. I hear you've been busy lately. Make a lot of money?"  
  
Harry ran a hand through his loose hair, free from its usual ribbon for once. "Enough that we can live comfortably for a while, without having to take on another job."  
  
"That's good." The man hiccuped once, then fell asleep, snoring loudly.  
  
Harry groaned, and helped his unconscious friend to a couch, and then he looked around. The party was wild, full of drunken men and women talking, dancing and going off to private rooms. Usually Harry would have been enjoying himself at just such a party but tonight was different. He was different.  
  
The incident at the Leyline had permanently affected his mind. Watching from the computer as a new body was built for him, it hit him quite strongly that he wasn't human, and never would be human. As a result, he felt like he didn't belong among all these people. These humans. And that was forgetting all about the heartache over Melfina.  
  
He sank down on the couch next to his snoring friend and brooded. However, his dark thoughts were interrupted shortly by a young woman, about his age.  
  
"Is anyone else sitting here?" she asked, gesturing to the small open space of couch next to Harry, on the other side of him from the drunk.  
  
"Uh, no, it's open," he replied, watching her.  
  
"Great. I've been dancing all night and my feet are killing me," she said, gratefully sinking down onto the couch. She was somewhat attractive, but in a rather unconventional way. Her face wasn't delicate, her nose was too long and she was ghostly pale. However, the twinkle in her green eyes and the way the light reflected off her plain wheat colored hair made her seem beautiful to Harry.  
  
"So, what's your name?" he asked, casually accepting a beer from a friend. He could out drink anyone who challenged him. His bionic body easily burned off the alcohol.  
  
"Sandrina," she replied, smiling warmly at him.  
  
"That's a beautiful name. Of course, any name a beautiful creature like yourself would choose to go by would have to be beautiful, wouldn't it?" Ah yes, flirting again after so long felt good.  
  
She watched him with amusement. "Well, it's not everyday that I get hit on my attractive men. In fact, most of the time they tend to ignore me."  
  
"Oh, they're just intimidated by your beauty," he teased, tugging gently on the ends of her long hair in a surprisingly familiar gesture.  
  
"Right." For some reason she didn't seem to believe it. "Anyway, what's your name?"  
  
"Harry McDougal," he told her, waiting for the instant reply. Either they were scared of him, intrigued by him, or knew he wasn't human and ran off in disgust.  
  
"Of the McDougal brothers?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Harry. Hm. Aren't you the youngest?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And aren't you."  
  
"A bio-android?" he interrupted, barely concealing his bitterness. "Yeah, I am."  
  
"That's not what I was going to say."  
  
He looked at her in surprise. "It wasn't?"  
  
She shook her head. "No. I was going to ask if that meant you were the one that won all those races."  
  
"Oh." He blinked a few times. No one had ever asked him that before.  
  
"Well?" She seemed amused at his surprise.  
  
"Yes. That was me," he said dumbly.  
  
"That's so cool! I've always wanted to learn how to pilot a ship."  
  
His flirtatious attitude returned. "Maybe I'll teach you."  
  
"Would you really?"  
  
As the exchange went on, he found himself growing more and more fond of the girl who treated him like a human.  
  
  
  
  
  
"I feel like ice cream," Sandrina announced.  
  
Harry poked her arm a few times. "No you don't."  
  
"Ha ha," she laughed sarcastically, smacking him in the side of the head. They had met at the party three months earlier. They had exchanged phone numbers, and grown quite close since. On this day, they were out with a few of their other friends.  
  
"I agree with Sandrina. I want ice cream," Amalia, a short young woman with black hair, announced.  
  
Her boyfriend, the quiet and brooding, but deeply insightful Kaya nodded. "Then we get ice cream." With that, he led the other three into a nearby ice cream parlor.  
  
After getting their ice cream, they all sat down at a table together. Harry sat across from Sandrina, watching her and mostly ignoring his own chocolate ice cream.  
  
"What?" she asked, noticing his stare.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Well if it's nothing, then why are you staring at me?"  
  
"Because you're so beautiful, of course," he replied, winking flirtatiously.  
  
"There they go again," Amalia giggled. Kaya just watched and observed.  
  
It wasn't too long till the ice cream was gone. "So, what now?" Sandrina queried, jabbing her cup with her spoon for lack of anything better to do.  
  
"There's a party going on at Sam's," Amalia offered. "We could go there." When no one argued or offered other suggestions, she stood up with a smile. "Great. Let's go!" Cheerfully she led them out of the ice cream parlor.  
  
  
  
  
  
Soon they were at the party. It was much like the one that Harry and Sandrina had met at. Loud, drunken and irritating. Sandrina and Amalia were dancing, Kaya was observing his surroundings and Harry was getting completely sloshed. He fell backwards out of his chair and stared at the ceiling for a while. He wasn't embarrassed, because everyone else was more drunk than he was.  
  
Suddenly his view of the ceiling was obstructed by Kaya's face. "Yes?" Harry asked sweetly.  
  
"Get up," Kaya ordered, pulling him to his feet and guiding him over to a rather secluded corner where he dumped him down against the wall. "I have to know, why do you pretend to be drunk?"  
  
"Huh?" Harry blinked.  
  
"You're a bio android. Your body burns off the alcohol. You are incapable of getting drunk, so why do you do it? Is it for attention?"  
  
"Leave me alone," Harry growled warningly, already uncomfortable with this conversation.  
  
"Or are you just trying to fit in? Is that it? Do you want to be human?"  
  
"Why would I want to be human?" Harry scoffed, hiding his face behind a curtain of his hair. "I would be dead now if I were human. As it is, I can download my personality into a computer and if something happens to my body I can get a new one."  
  
"Ah, wishing to prolong your existence. Isn't that a sign of humanity?"  
  
"Shut up. You don't know what you're talking about!"  
  
"Perhaps not, and perhaps my theories are wrong, but judging by your defensive behavior I'm inclined to think I'm right. You look like a human, you think like a human, and you feel things. Yet since you are not human you don't know what these feelings are. I think this is what drives you to pretend you're insane. You're perfectly sane, just confused and lost."  
  
"I have feelings, and I know what they are," Harry glared.  
  
"But do you really?" Kaya insisted. "What do you feel when you touch fabric? Do you feel the cold? Do you feel warmth? Pain?"  
  
Harry winced, remembering a time his arm had been injured. "I feel pain."  
  
"Or do you just pretend to feel these things to fit in?"  
  
"I don't need to fit in. I'm fine on my own."  
  
"Then why do you pursue Sandrina? Just for fun? Or is it something more than that? And what about that Melfina woman?"  
  
Harry stiffened at the mention of Melfina's name. "How do you know about her?"  
  
"Ah, you forget that I am also friends with your brother. He told me."  
  
"Traitor," Harry growled all semblance at drunkenness forgotten.  
  
"My theory is that you want to be human. You want to fit in, yet you think you can't because you are a bio android. So you put on shows. Excessive displays of drunkenness, pain and flirting to convince people that you really are human. Yet you know that they know that you aren't, and you perceive that they treat you differently, even if they don't. You're suspicious. Even if people don't know you, and think you are human, you still think they treat you differently. So, why do you pursue Sandrina? To fit in, or because you care about her?"  
  
"Since you know me so well, why don't you tell me?" Harry's voice oozed with sarcasm, even as his eyes sought out the dancing figure of Sandrina.  
  
"If I knew, I wouldn't be asking. You are a very good actor, Harry McDougal."  
  
"I like her. Of course I like her!" His voice became small and defenseless. "She treats me like a human."  
  
"So you do want to be treated like a human." Kaya nodded. "Then why did you pursue another bio android? I believe Ron said that your claim to her consisted of you pointing out that you were both the same, and so should be together. What changed?"  
  
"I realized that with Melfina, I would still be outcasting myself from humanity. The only way I could really feel accepted would be if I could make a human love me. Then I could belong to humanity," he explained, defeated. Suddenly his temper flared. "It isn't fair! We're just like humans! We think, speak, act, move and feel like humans, yet we're treated like we're not humans! It's ridiculous! WE HAVE FEELINGS TOO!"  
  
"Shh, calm down," Kaya soothed, putting a hand on Harry's trembling shoulder.  
  
"I love her, you know. I can feel love, and I love Sandrina," Harry stated.  
  
"I believe you. You may even be more human than many humans. Your act is more real than even you think. I'm glad we had this talk." With that, Kaya stood up and walked to the dance floor, gathered Amalia and left.  
  
"Ass," Harry spat after he had gone.  
  
"Who's an ass?" Sandrina asked. Harry hadn't even heard her approach. He was too agitated.  
  
"Kaya," he said, gesturing towards the door Kaya had just exited.  
  
"Oh. I suppose one might get that impression from him." Sandrina slid down the wall to rest beside Harry. "Hey! Are you crying?"  
  
His eyes widened in surprise. "I- uh, well."  
  
"What was he saying to you?" she asked, gently wiping the tears away.  
  
He met her eyes. "That I was human."  
  
"But of course you are. Was there ever any question?"  
  
Harry leaned in and kissed her softly before pulling back and stroking her hair. "I can be stupid sometimes."  
  
"As long as you know you're human."  
  
"I do now," he assured her, and was surprised when he realized that he really did. 


End file.
